Five PCIT Special Time Skills to Practice at Home

If I could give you one skill to practice at home today that could change your child’s behavior, it wouldn’t be a better consequence.

It would be five minutes of play.

For those five minutes, you give your child your full attention. They lead. You follow. You notice the good out loud. You don’t turn the play into a lesson, a discussion about their day, or an opportunity to clean up.

In Parent Child Interaction Therapy, or PCIT, we call this Child Directed Interaction. At home, you can simply call it Special Time.

Parents who practice Special Time consistently often say the rest of the day becomes quieter. Their child didn’t suddenly become a different person. They simply received something they needed from their parent: focused attention and warmth.

A few minutes of positive interaction can begin to shift the entire dynamic.

I’m Dr. Jessica Larsen, a clinical psychologist and certified PCIT therapist with more than a decade of experience helping families who feel stuck in the same fights. Whining. Not listening. Meltdowns over what seems like nothing. A child who is delightful for everyone else but impossible with you.

Special Time is the relationship-building phase of PCIT. Discipline skills come later, and those skills work better when the relationship is already strong.

This article is written for parents of young children, roughly ages two to seven, who want something positive they can begin practicing today. It covers only the beginning of PCIT. If your child is hitting, biting, destroying property, or behaving in a way that makes you feel unsafe, Special Time alone isn’t enough. Please seek help from a certified PCIT therapist.

This information is educational. It doesn’t replace therapy or live coaching with a trained provider.

What Is Special Time?

Special Time is short, daily, child-led play.

Five minutes is enough to begin. Try to practice at about the same time each day. A predictable period of your full attention can be regulating for your child.

Sit on the floor with two or three toys. You don’t need the whole playroom.

Blocks, crayons, figurines, or cars work well. Avoid screens, board games with rules you have to enforce, and toys that create frequent reasons to say no.

Your job is to become a good play partner. Think of yourself as a sportscaster who’s genuinely happy to be there.

You describe what your child is doing. You copy appropriate play. You reflect their words back to them. You name the specific behaviors you like when you see them.

These skills are simple on purpose. You practice them during Special Time until they become part of your regular language. As they begin to feel natural, you can use your attention more intentionally to shape positive behavior.

The Main Rule Is to Follow Your Child’s Lead

During Special Time, your child chooses the activity and guides the play.

You don’t improve what they’re doing. You don’t redirect the story. And you don’t sneak in a lesson.

If your child is drawing a tree, you aren’t the art teacher. You’re the person who notices the tree.

If your child lines up several cars, you don’t crash them together to make the game more exciting unless your child does it first.

Some difficult behavior is a bid for attention or control. Special Time gives children both within clear limits. During these five minutes, your child leads and receives your warm attention. Outside Special Time, you remain the parent who sets boundaries.

Children may become more willing to listen when the relationship has received that attention. They’re also more likely to work for the positive attention you’ve shown them.

Following your child’s lead means avoiding a few common habits.

Avoid Giving Commands

A command puts you back in charge of the play.

Direct commands are easy to recognize:

“Sit down.”

“Hand me the car.”

“Put that over there.”

Indirect commands can sound friendlier, but they still take the lead.

“Would you like to sit down?”

“Let’s put the cars away.”

“How about we build a garage?”

The problem is what happens next. If you tell your child to do something and they refuse, the play stops being play. You’re now in a compliance situation.

Special Time is meant to teach your child that being with you feels good. Save instructions for moments when you’re prepared to follow through if your child doesn’t listen.

Instead of saying, “Put the red block on top,” describe what’s already happening:

“You’re stacking the red block on the blue one.”

You stayed involved. Your child kept the lead.

Avoid Asking Questions

A question requires your child to answer you. Even when you’re simply trying to show interest, the question can take control of the interaction.

Some questions ask for information:

“What color is that?”

Others are hidden instructions:

“Would you like to clean up?”

A question can even sound like disapproval:

“You’re making it that tall?”

Questions may also tell a child that you weren’t listening. Someone who’s listening doesn’t always need to interview.

If your child says, “It’s a dog,” you can answer, “It is a dog.”

If they hold up a blue crayon, you can say, “Blue.”

When your child asks you a real question, answer it. Don’t reflect the question back. Give them a response and then return to following their play.

Avoid Criticism

Criticism includes negative or contradictory comments about your child or what they’re doing.

“That doesn’t go there.”

“You’re not being nice.”

“Stop that.”

“Don’t do it that way.”

Criticism focuses attention on the mistake instead of the behavior you want to see. It tells the child what not to do, which is a weak way to guide behavior. It can also affect self-esteem.

Try shaping the behavior instead.

If a block tower is wobbling, you might say, “It stays up when the big block is on the bottom.”

You could also wait for your child to correct it and then praise the recovery:

“You noticed it was tipping and you fixed it.”

Before beginning Special Time, remind yourself of the three things you’re avoiding: commands, questions, and criticism.

Then move to the skills you do want to use.

Use the PRIDE Skills

PRIDE stands for Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, and Enjoy.

You don’t need to squeeze every skill into each sentence. Rotate between them naturally.

If you get stuck, describe. Describing is the basic skill you can always return to.

1 Praise the Behavior You Want to See Again

Praise is a compliment for behavior. But only one kind of praise clearly teaches your child what to repeat.

Unlabeled praise is warm but vague:

“Good.”

“Nice job.”

“I like that.”

Your child has to guess what they did well.

Labeled praise names the behavior:

“You chose such bright colors.”

“You’re being so careful with that marker.”

“Thank you for using a gentle voice.”

“I love how you shared the blue car.”

Your child immediately hears what you liked. The behavior you name is the behavior you’re helping to grow.

Focus on effort and actions rather than appearance or talent. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try, “You kept trying when that piece didn’t fit.”

Watch for quiet hands, gentle touch, waiting, staying with an activity, or using words. Praise the behavior as soon as you see it.

2 Reflect Your Child’s Words

Reflecting means giving your child’s appropriate words back to them.

Your child says, “That’s a blue crayon.”

You respond, “Yes, that’s a blue crayon.”

Reflection shows that you’re listening. It lets your child guide the conversation and communicates that you accept what they said. Children may also expand on a sentence when it has been heard instead of corrected.

At first, reflection can feel like being a parrot. That feeling usually fades when your voice remains warm and natural. You’re highlighting what your child said, not mocking them.

Reflect appropriate speech. If your child makes an unkind comment, don’t repeat it with a smile. Let it pass and reflect the next appropriate thing they say.

3 Imitate Appropriate Play

Imitation means joining your child by doing what they’re doing.

If your child draws a tree, you draw one too. If they drive a car slowly along the couch, you drive your car beside theirs.

Imitation keeps your attention on your child’s play. It brings you down to their level and allows them to remain in charge. It also communicates approval without requiring a speech.

Only imitate appropriate play.

If your child bangs a toy against the table, don’t bang your toy too. Become still and wait for appropriate play to return.

4 Describe What Your Child Is Doing

Description is the sportscaster skill.

“You’re drawing a sun.”

“You put the cow in the barn.”

“You’re driving the red car behind the blue one.”

A coach tells the player what to do next. A sportscaster describes what just happened.

Descriptions show interest without taking over. They can give children language for their actions and help hold a busy mind on one activity.

You can describe the toys, but sentences about your child’s actions are often more valuable.

“The car is red” is fine.

“You’re parking the red car” focuses on your child.

When you aren’t sure what to say, simply describe what you see.

5 Let Your Child See That You Enjoy Them

Enjoyment is part of the skill.

Use a warm voice. Laugh when something is genuinely funny. Place a hand on your child’s back if they enjoy touch.

Say, “I like playing with you,” or, “This is fun.”

Children notice your face, tone, and body language. Put your phone in another room. Remove other distractions.

Choose toys you can enjoy too. Toys you liked as a child may be especially easy to play with naturally.

You aren’t performing enthusiasm. You’re allowing your real warmth to show.

What If My Child Whines During Special Time?

Most children respond well to Special Time. Some will still whine, fuss, yell, or cry to get a reaction.

When no one is being hurt and nothing is being destroyed, you can use active ignoring.

Ignoring doesn’t mean that you don’t care. It means removing the attention that may be rewarding the behavior. Even a look, sigh, or accidental smile can provide attention.

Give no words and no facial reaction to the whining. Turn slightly toward the toys.

Then continue using PRIDE for any appropriate behavior happening at the same time. If your child is whining while still coloring carefully, say, “You’re coloring so carefully.”

The moment the negative behavior stops, look warmly at your child and praise the opposite behavior. If you ignored a bossy demand, notice the next polite request:

“I’m glad you asked me nicely.”

Behavior that’s being ignored may get worse before it gets better. Your child may be testing whether the old behavior will still produce a response.

Only ignore behavior you can continue ignoring. Giving in after an escalation may reward the escalation itself.

Consistency matters. Five protected minutes gives you a manageable place to practice.

Never ignore hitting, biting, or destruction.

When Should You End Special Time?

Aggression or destruction ends the play.

If your child hits, bites, or breaks a toy, stop Special Time. Use a calm voice and one short sentence:

“Special Time is stopping because you hit me. I bet tomorrow you’ll be able to play nicely during Special Time.”

Then end it.

Put the toys away and step out. Don’t lecture, argue, or renegotiate. The ending is the boundary.

Tomorrow, try again.

Try Five Minutes Today

Pick a time that can become predictable, perhaps after a snack or before bath time.

Choose two or three toys. Put your phone in another room.

Before sitting down, remind yourself: no commands, no questions, and no criticism.

Then practice PRIDE. Describe your child’s play. Reflect their words. Imitate the appropriate actions. Look for at least five specific behaviors to praise. Let your child see that you’re happy to be with them.

If they whine, remove your attention from the whining and praise the appropriate behavior that follows. If they hit, bite, or destroy something, calmly end the play and try again the next day.

You aren’t trying to create a perfect session. You’re practicing one repetition.

Special Time won’t fix every difficult moment by the end of the week. With consistency, though, it can change what your attention brings out in your child.

Children repeat what receives attention. For five minutes a day, let your attention fall on gentle play, words, effort, and trying again.

I’m Dr. Jessica Larsen. Go enjoy five minutes of Special Time with your kiddo.

To learn more about PCIT and parent coaching, visit Larsen Behavioral Wellness.